


Bittersweet

by Mariyannu



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, Comfort/Angst, Constructed Reality, Daydreaming, Denial of Reality, Denialism, Drama, Dreams vs. Reality, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery, Near Death Experiences, Parallel Universes, Psychological Drama, References to Depression, Spirit World, Spiritual, Supernatural Elements, has a bit of slice of life, hop on the angsty yoshimaru train, i regret writing this, i'm still confused, what is real and what isn't real in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 09:30:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9715487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mariyannu/pseuds/Mariyannu
Summary: She'll never forget that mikans tasted bitter but, at the same time, painfully sweet too.Also published at FF.net





	

 Watching her eat was a magical experience of some sort. She couldn't really pinpoint why but, there was something that simply enchanted her. Perhaps it was due to her graceful struggling with the _hashi_ , or how she kept on saying _zura_ every time the rice passed through her mouth, small grains sticking to her lips and cheeks.

Yoshiko gulped.

She didn't know if it was hunger, the level of cuteness in front of her eyes or, blocking this not so pure thought off her mind: hunger for the girl sitting across the table.

The clock kept on ticking endlessly; the cicadas cried in the summer haze; the sea roared relentlessly; Hanamaru ate happily.

It had been a while since she had done so. Her light, chestnut coloured hair was brimming with life instead of being unkempt as it was a few months ago. Yoshiko scooted a bit on her seat on top of the pillow, making sure she didn't accidentally kick the table. After all, they were sitting in the ground given Hanamaru's family was pretty Japanese traditional. The teal haired girl wondered how much longer her knees would last in that position. Once Hanamaru got done with the rice, she went straight for the soup.

Yoshiko couldn't help to contain a small yelp. Her cooking skills weren't the best of all, and she had done her best in making miso soup. Nothing could go wrong with the rice, though, since she bought an instant box of it and just bothered to boil it for four minutes. Well, probably it could have taken a turn for the worse if she hadn't taken her sweet time watching the pot until it boiled. Yoshiko tends to get easily bored with mundane tasks like those. There's no thrill, no excitement, nothing that begged Yohane's existence to come to life. Even if she tried to summon the lid of the pot to come off due to the boiling, it wouldn't be fun at all. Although, she did act up a bit while turning on the heat of the stove.

She stared at the _mikan_ that lied in the center of the table and a groan left her reddish lips. She disliked _mikans_ ; Hanamaru likes _mikans._ So she lied and said she liked them too, even though, she had a vague memory of being openly blunt about it while in kindergarten, and Hanamaru exclaiming " _it's the future, zura_ ", since the honey coloured hair girl had never heard that someone hated _mikans_ at that time.

_Huh, what a funny thought. This premonition of the past must've been caused by the dark powers that reside within my soul. Yohane won't waver with these mere thoughts!_

She chuckled under her breath, enjoying the moment. She had no need to reminiscence about something as trivial as that. Not at all! Yohane lived the moment, so Yoshiko had to do that too! She'd rather remember her struggling with the soup Hanamaru ate.

Yes, that's exactly what she did.

Miso soup wasn't that hard, or at least her mother made it seem relatively easy. The TV also had simple recipes and the Internet had an abundance of them, even with variations and strange innovations. Yoshiko remembered staying up all night making a list of ingredients based on a TV cooking show, her mother's special recipe, and some cool stuff she saw on a webpage (according to her point of view the end result was amazing and decided to innovate too). Although making a simple miso soup was her objective knowing her poor cooking skills, she wanted to do her best for Hanamaru.

Skipping the cooking madness, hours later, she was proud with the result. The flavour was nice and the colouring of the broth was also just as shown on the picture. Ah yes, she felt invincible. She swung the ladle as if it were a cane and placed her left hand on her hip. The apron fell slightly, but she didn't care. She had proved herself good. Or at least that's what she thought until the leftover tofu fell on the small carpet just below the stove. She cursed her luck. As expected from Yohane, the fallen angel. Her misfortune was so big nothing could be safe and sound, including that silly carpet.

After having that small flashback, holding a smile was difficult. This was all she ever wanted. This was all she'd ever dreamed of. Living a peaceful, uneventful life, enjoying every second of it with Hanamaru. Watching her peacefully eat; drink a glass of water; her pink lips leaving small marks on such glass; her blinking her amber eyes; living every single thing life has to offer.

Until Yoshiko sneezed.

 _Stupid summer allergies_.

"Yoshiko-chan!" hearing her soft voice soothed her heartbeat, which was unusually fast paced. "How long have you've been here, zura?"

"I've been here all this time, Zuramaru!" pouting a little, Yoshiko bit her lower lip. "W-W-Well, it is obvious that my presence is still too strong to be easily detected by mortals! Yohane forgives you this time!"

Hanamaru left her empty bowl of soup on the table and slowly clapped her hands.

"You're always so funny, Yoshiko-chan."

The teal haired girl threw her a small glare. Hanamaru got the message.

"I mean, Yohane… chan?"

"It is indeed I, Yohane, the fallen angel who forgives you." she replied, proud of Hanamaru's answer.

"It's amazing how you even change the way you speak, Yohane-chan."

Yoshiko pouted, knowing she wasn't being taken seriously. She crossed her arms and swung her head to the opposite direction. Pretending she was mad wouldn't last long, that was a given. The cicadas kept on crying their song and Hanamaru's gaze traveled slowly to the window. Her honey coloured eyes shined with the sunrays, glimmering through the dust and breaking through. It was as if Hanamaru had become light itself.

Hanamaru was Yoshiko's light.

Yoshiko wanted to be Hanamaru's light, too.

❁  ❁  ❁

"What do you want to do today, Yoshiko-chan?"

"It's Yohane. Yo-ha-ne, Zuramaru."

"Zura!... Well, what do you want to do today, Yohane-chan?"

"Why'd you ask?"

"Well…" Hanamaru did a slight pause, using the tip of her index finger to ponder. "You didn't have any breakfast so I thought you wanted to go outside to eat, zura."

Yoshiko flinched and sweated a bit. She'd forgotten all about it, believing Hanamaru wouldn't notice that. Sometimes she did, sometimes she didn't. It was all luck based, and Yoshiko knew Yohane's bad luck was intense for being a fallen angel. She shouldn't had risked it. Her purple eyes shot through the clear sky, trying to bring up a believable excuse.

"I.. uh… I…"

"I know! I have an idea, zura!" Hanamaru's eyes shone even brighter outside, contrasting with Uchiura's peaceful atmosphere. She leaned herself to her, extending her fingertips in order to kidnap Yoshiko's hand. Swiftly, the teal haired girl evaded her gesture and crossed her arms, laughing a bit. "Is something wrong, Yoshiko-chan?"

"Fu fu fu." she kept on laughing. "Fallen Angel Yohane won't let her cold heart waver with such bonding gestures, mortal! We, fallen angels, prefer solitude… my bad luck could also be casted upon you!" adding some not so graceful movements to intensify her words, she did a twirl and ended up with some strange pose with her hands on her face.

"I see…" Hanamaru's sad expression was enough to make Yoshiko regret her gesture. She clenched her fist slowly so Hanamaru wouldn't notice.

Yoshiko cleared her throat, adding her clenched fist to her mouth as if she had just let out a cough. "Pray tell me, Zuramaru. Where were you planning on escorting me?"

"Yoshiko-ch… Sorry, Yohane-chan, is talking with fancy words again, zura!" Hanamaru's spirits lifted up a bit. "I thought that we could maybe go get some ice cream."

"So early in the morning?" Yoshiko crossed her arms again and closed her eyes, meditating the sudden choice of eating ice cream.

"Ruby-chan told me the other day about a new ice cream parlour near the beach! They have these cones with cute decorations and the prices are cheap, it's the future, zura!"

Yoshiko couldn't held her smile. It was radiant. She hadn't smiled like that for a long time, and for once it was her time to laugh happily.

_Hanamaru is talking with Ruby again! … Wait, when did this happen, though?_

Both made their way, following Hanamaru's instructions to reach the place. Yoshiko let herself be bathed in the relaxing sounds of the waves clashing against the rocks on the shore, while descending the hill. _Pat_ , _pat_ , _pat_ went their steps. The seagulls cried alongside an invisible song, and Hanamaru extended both arms, her hair swaying in the wind. Yoshiko's eyes became hypnotized by such beauty and tried to reach for her back. She liked this radiant Hanamaru. She wanted this radiant Hanamaru to stay forever.

_I can't lose her again._

"Oh, look! I think we're here!"

Yoshiko came back to the real world, noticing they indeed were on the beach. She must've lost track of her surroundings at one point. One minute ago they were descending the hill, and now they were at their destination. She found that odd. It was too fast for it to be real, but she shook her head multiple times dismissing those thoughts. Hanamaru's silhouette contrasting with the sunshine had her lose her focus, and maybe she walked as autopilot.

The ice cream parlour was cute as Hanamaru had told her. You could see the millions of extravagant ice cream types, even wasabi, on the stalls. The combinations were endless and the decorations adorable. You could ask for your cone to be decorated as a small cat. Two strawberries as ears, licorice as whiskers, a small button-shaped coloured chocolate as a nose, chocolate chips as eyes and that was it. She had a gut feeling that Hanamaru would chose that one since Rin Hoshizora, her favourite μ's member loved them. On the other hand, Yoshiko was having a tough time choosing. She was avoiding all the flavours that were near the _mikan_ ice cream, and unfortunately those were her favourites. Oh, why did chocolate and strawberry had to be near, was the only thought that ran through her mind. She had to go for plan B and order a strawberry sorbet instead... Shame, she wanted a fancy cone too.

_If only I could, though. Think, Yoshiko. Think._

"Guess that'll be for me." she sighed. "As always, me… Yohane, the Fallen Angel, is cursed with terrible misfortune! Every single flavour that were only meant to be for Fallen Angels have been tarnished by the cursed fruit."

"Yoshiko-chan, here's your sorbet, zura!"

Her radiant smile made Yoshiko forget her current predicament, extending her hand and touch with her fingertips the cone Hanamaru was holding. The sun was shining brightly and heat unbearable. The sorbet started to melt, small river of strawberry running down her pale skin. Yoshiko scanned the area for some napkins since Hanamaru hadn't noticed her hand. The teal haired girl stopped halfway though, reality hitting her like a rock being thrown to a window, smashing it without mercy.

"Tell you what. How about you ask the sleepy guy here," Yoshiko made a gesture towards the old man at the counter. He was indeed falling asleep and wondered how he ws able to serve the sorbet without passing out, and feared the worst for Hanamaru's kitty ice cream. "To put it on a sundae glass while I go look for a table."

"Sounds like a good plan!" Hanamaru went straight to the counter; Yoshiko ran outside.

She found a small table, covered by a red umbrella. The sunshine was awful, and since they didn't bring any sunscreen some shade was necessary. She slid the wooden chair and let her face fall on the matching wooden table. She closed her eyes, yearning for a certain feeling after doing that. Is it cold? Is it warm? Is it rough? Is it soft? So many thoughts invaded her mind while she closed her eyes, the sea breeze lulling her to sleep.

She didn't know for how many minutes she passed out but, when she opened her eyes again, her sorbet was in front of her inside a sundae glass. They even added the original cone on top with some sprinkles. She blinked but was unable to move her neck. Yoshiko just wanted to stay there, resting. She was tired and sleepy. Maybe the sun? They say that resting under the sun makes you feel a bit drowzy. She yawned and moved her head a bit, her bun bobbing a bit. It might've loosed a bit while she slept.

"Hanamaru-chan, what are you doing with that feather?"

A high pitched, but at the same time kind of raspy voice made Yoshiko lift up her face quickly. She turned her face to the left and Hanamaru was there, caught in the act with a black feather. She raised both hands up in the air like a criminal and her eyes went in all directions, showing how nervous she was. Her forehead sweated a bit and her summer dress slipped her right shoulder. Ruby was staring at the scene a little confused and tilted her head.

"Zura! I was…" Hanamaru stared at Yoshiko, who stared back with a glance. She liked when Hanamaru teased her with her black feather and her bun, but not in public. "I found it lying around."

"I… see…" Ruby faltered but made it unnoticeable for her friend. She sat down at the table and seagulls kept on singing.

_What is Ruby doing here? If Hanamaru invited her that means… progress!_

"Did you order already?" asked Hanamaru.

"Yep! They'll bring it to the table" Ruby replied happily, impatient of tasting her ice cream.

Yoshiko stared at her untouched, melting sorbet. The mint leaf on top had long been swallowed and trapped by the strawberry.

_Strawberry trapper. Sounds nice for a song tittle!_

Then she turned and saw Hanamaru's order. It was a plain, _mikan_ ice cream. Yoshiko's heart sunk.

"Would you like to come home after this?" Ruby asked. "Big sis made _matcha_ flavored desserts with Mari-san and Kanan-san! But half of the batter ended up on my sis' face and I was so confused… of why Mari-san was kissing it out of her cheeks. Kanan-san seemed angry for some reason, saying that by this rate no cooking would be done. Then they mentioned You-san out of nowhere and Kanan-san started to madly spin the batter and everything became a chaotic mess…"

"You're still too young to understand it, Ruby." Yoshiko laughed on a lower tone, her Yohane persona activating.

"We're all the same age though, zura." Hanamaru's smile crooked while saying it under her breath.

"Did you said something, Hanamaru-chan?" Ruby's eyes blinked curiously.

"N-Nothing at all." she laughed it out. "I'd love to go, zura! Yoshiko-chan will come too, right?"

Ruby lowered her saddened gaze. Something was wrong, Hanamaru didn't notice and that was okay. Yes, it was definitely okay. That was enough for Yoshiko, for it to be okay.

"The heat haze has diminished my powers…" Yoshiko fell on top of the table again and stretched her arms, touching her melted sorbet. "I forgot my special umbrella, which protects me from the powers of Light."

"It's okay, Hanamaru-chan. I'm glad things look better for you now! I'm really happy you answered my phone call today! I've missed you a lot. It's nice to talk with you again." Ruby reached for Hanamaru's hands, and Yoshiko could see small, very small tears forming under her mint eyes. "That's why, keep on doing your best. Remember, _ganbaruby_!"

" _Ganbaruby_ , zura!" Hanamaru mimicked her, even the pose.

Ruby couldn't hold it in anymore and hugged her. She was like the strawberry ice cream in Yoshiko's eyes, melting in Hanamaru's embrace. Those same mint eyes were lost where Yoshiko was sitting, and she gulped. It lasted for a few seconds, and Ruby had to hold her sobs. Hanamaru was pretty confused for the sudden hug, and missed the pink haired girl's tears, which was a relief for both Ruby and Yoshiko.

"It's going to be okay, Hanamaru-chan." Ruby whispered under her breath. "You can always visit next time."

"But I said I'll go…" she replied.

"It's okay. Now that I think about it, my house will be packed. Mari-san, Kanan-san, You-san.. big sis… that's lots of people and my parents won't be happy with all the noise those four make when they're together."

Ruby's ice cream arrived and both of them talked about lots of things. Yoshiko intervened once in awhile and Hanamaru laughed. The day went on and on, never standing still for Yoshiko. The last few months were like that. Long days were a drag, always watching Hanamaru stare at the window, just the two of them. Seasons passed and in the blink of an eye it as snowing all over Uchiura. Hanamaru got lost in the snowflakes and Yoshiko on her. It was a mesmerizing experience. The summer came and they watched the fireflies at night. Sometimes Yoshiko wanted to say to Hanamaru to go outside and try to catch some, but she didn't. Hanamaru couldn't hear her. So she just stayed silent until she came back to Earth. Then fall and spring appeared alongside the allergies and multicoloured leaves and flowers.

Yoshiko opened her eyes and they were walking back to Hanamaru's place. She must've dozed off again, lost in her thoughts. The sun was hiding behind the hills, and she prayed for a while for it not to leave so soon. She found ironic for a Fallen Angel to be praying but, why the hell not, she thought.

"I had fun today!"

"Yeah, me too."

Yoshiko couldn't hold it on anymore, so she decided to ask it once and for all.

"Hey, Zuramaru." her words faltered. "Why didn't you order…. The kitty shaped parfait back at the ice cream parlour? I thought you would."

"Zura? It was really cute but I'm not a big fan of cats." she replied, smiling happily. "Why do you ask?"

"I really… _reaaaallly_ thought you would. I, Fallen Angel Yohane, had a gut feeling." Yoshiko bit her lower lip as a way to cope with the pain. "I mean, Rin likes cat and you were even thinking of buying one a few months back so I…"

"Rin? Who is Rin? Someone from school, zura?" Hanamaru crossed her arms, deep in thought.

Yoshiko's grip tightened. The worst had happened. Hanamaru wasn't okay after all. It was her fault. It was still her fault. She believed that today was a miracle, those that happen once in a million but, no it wasn't. She was indeed cursed with extreme bad luck, and Hanamaru was affected by her unlucky cycle.

"Oh she's um, yeah. Someone from school. You liked that Rin loves cats and even says _nya_. You also looked up to her for overcoming her insecurities. I remember you always used to listen to _Love Wing Bell_ and _Hello, Hoshi wo Kazoete_. Those were your favourites." Yoshiko's throat hurt. The bulge wasn't leaving.

"Rin sounds like an amazing person, zura. I can't believe we are classmates of someone so talented. Are there any CD's of her songs?" Hanamaru clasped her hands together, excited.

"There are lots. You even have her Solo Box." Yohane had to laugh it out. It wasn't worth it to cry over it. "When we get back home let's listen to them."

"Can you help me to look for them?"

"How silly." Yoshiko twirled, bathing in the last rays of the dying sun. "If you truly need me, of course, I the great Yohane, will offer my help."

_Hanamaru's strong. She's able to overcome anything she puts her mind to. It's one of the things I… admire of her. Even when she wanted to join Aqours back then._

Time passed again, now both were at the attic. Hanamaru's parents weren't around, and the house was almost a disaster. Yoshiko would've cared about cleaning since there were no videogames around, not even a laptop to amuse her but, being with Hanamaru was the only thing that distracted her enough to don't care about it at all. That's why, just a little, little more of a mess wouldn't hurt.

"Can you give me hand, Yoshiko-chan?" Hanamaru was carrying two piles of boxes, her feet trying not to get tangled up with the radio's cord. Rin's solo version of _Aishteru Banzai_ could be heard, and Yoshiko was far more concentrated tapping her feet to the rhythm.

"My allergies are acting up." she lied. "And it's Yo-ha-ne!"

"Aww, come on Yoshiko-chan!"

_Even when you're unsure, the road leading to happiness comes into view under the blue sky._

Hanamaru was her happiness right now. Even if she couldn't see the blue sky right now, she knew that her fears would go soon. Being with Hanamaru was enough. Watching her being engulfed by happiness was enough.

_With the courage to never give up, let's enjoy the present._

_Cheers for loving you!_

_We can do our best so wave goodbye to yesterday and look forward._

Yes. That's what she should do. Stop dwelling. She needed to stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

_Rain falls from time to time, the trunks sway in the wind._

_We'll go together, nurture everyone's tree of dreams._

This dream needs to continue. To be nurtured. This unbreakable, happy dream. For Hanamaru's happiness. For Yoshiko's happiness. For their happiness. For their small, unhappy world, to be filled with happiness.

And it broke.

_Clash. Clank._

Hanamaru was on the floor, her ankle wrapped up with the radio's cord. The _la la la_ 's died, and the box's contents spilled all over the floor. Yoshiko hold her urge to curse, and blamed herself for getting distracted instead of helping her. Oh, the lengths Hanamaru went to find the _Love Wing Bell_ single. Worried about her, Yoshiko went straight to her but again, refrained at the last minute. She wasn't worthy of being near Hanamaru.

"That hurt…" Hanamaru fixed her hair and dress, to then start to look the contents that were spilled from the box. A small one caught her attention, her eyes lighting up in the attic. She crawled to it, holding it in her hands and blowing the dust away. Yoshiko sneezed but Hanamaru didn't mind. She was too inversed into the item: a photo album.

"Hey, Zuramaru! Aren't you thirsty? We've been trapped in here for a while. Wanna go grab some water? You know, for us?" Yoshiko pretended her arm was a fan in the highest velocity. "Maybe add some lemon to it? You know, like lemonade but without sugar?"

It was in vain. She had lost Hanamaru.

Forever.

She stared at the pages. One. Two Three. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Every time her fingertips caressed the paper's surface, Yoshiko's soul leaved her body. The silence was unbreakable, and Hanamaru had been caught inside a never ending spell. Her heart ached more and more, until it happened and it came to a complete halt.

"Yoshiko-chan… what is the meaning of this…?"

Hanamaru held the album wide open.

She could see Hanamaru with her kindergarten clothes.

She could see Hanamaru and Ruby when they were accepted into high school.

She could see Hanamaru learning how to dive with Kanan.

She could see Hanamaru driving in the sea with You.

She could see Hanamaru trying to play some piano with Riko.

She could see Hanamaru practicing English with Mari.

She could see Hanamaru being praised by Dia while studying.

She could see Hanamaru eating _mikans_ with Chika.

She couldn't see Hanamaru with her.

"Tell me, Yoshiko-chan. What is the meaning of these? Why aren't you here?" Hanamaru hugged the album, unable to stand up. "Tell me!"

But Yoshiko was unable to answer. Not even Yohane could save her.

Hanamaru kept on looking. Searched and searched through the photos. Yoshiko forgot how to breathe, until she heard the album being closed and thrown to the wall. She had never seen Hanamaru so worked up, it was a new whole experience. An experience she'd rather not be seeing, and even more, being the cause of it. Somehow, Hanamaru managed to find another album, and scavenged for more-

"I found one!"

Yoshiko's heart beated again. Maybe her hope wasn't lost inside her bad luck cycle after all. Hanamaru kept on going page by page, until she finally stopped. Time froze while she stood up.

Step. Step. Step.

_Stop. Stop. Stop._

And Hanamaru did stop, just not the way Yoshiko had planned to. Face to face now, it all came down like crashing, tidal wave.

"Give me your hand, Yoshiko-chan."

"Y-You know I can't do that! Yohane's bad luck is terrible, you wouldn't even be able to-"

"Your hand. Now."

She had never seen Hanamaru so stern. She was scared. So, so scared. She had no choice.

_I should make a break for it._

And she should had been stopped, if it weren't for Hanamaru falling onto the floor while trying to clasp her from the waist to halt her escapade. She knew the truth would come out eventually but not in that way. Seeing Hanamaru on the floor, doing her best not to cry and break apart, was enough to make her regret every single choice in her life. Was it alright to had been at Hanamaru's side all this time? Was it for her good? Or just because Yoshiko was selfish? Yeah, maybe that was the reason. She was unable to let it go.

"Why… did that happen…?" the brunette managed to keep calm, while tears begged to roll down her plumped cheeks, she doing her best to keep them closed under lock and key.

Yoshiko didn't answer.

"Why did I… just… went through you…" she stretched her hands, and they went over and over again, through Yoshiko's fingers, grasping the air. "Yoshiko-chan… what are you hiding from me…?"

"Zuramaru…" Yoshiko gave a step back. "I was going to tell you but… if I did, I would had returned to the land of Fallen Angels!"

"Stop lying… please…" Hanamaru hugged herself. "Tell me the truth. I'm thinking the worse and…"

"I'm dead."

She just said it. Let it out. She had never planned this to be revealed but, it was as if the world today had gone against her own existence. Ah, Yohane's luck was terrible indeed. There were no pretty words decorating it either: just the plain, old truth.

"Before you say _no, it's not possible, I've seen pictures of you in this album_ , please keep on looking, Hanamaru."

And so she did.

Oh it hurt, it hurt so much.

"You see," Yoshiko continued, while Hanamaru sloppily grabbed the second album once more. "We used to go to the same kindergarten. You became my friend and gave me this black feather as a gift. No one had ever shown interest in my occult stuff and, well… delusions of grandeur. Ha, it feels weird saying it that way! But yeah, you were… my first friend, Hanamaru."

Swipe. Swipe.

"You were… how to say this… the only light I saw inside this everlasting darkness! The truth is, I was always really lonely. Saying weird stuff like that, even as a kid. But you tried to approach me, knowing very well I was a bit of an oddball."

Hanamaru was at a festival with Yoshiko. They were sharing candied apples.

"It was fun, y'know. Even if you were… _it's the future, zura_! Every single time I showed you any electronic device… I always had a good time."

Hanamaru and Yoshiko tried to reach the buttons from a tall arcade machine.

"I still remember this time we went to an arcade centre in Numazu, it was crazy. I thought you would pass out from all the _future_ gadgets you were seeing. Even if we were little kids, we tried to play as grown-ups. It must've been amusing to see two small girls doing their best to play as all the other grown up kids."

Yoshiko was on top of a tree, trying to reach for a _mikan_. Hanamaru was on the grass, looking at her with worry.

"Also when I climbed up the tallest tree in the playground to grab a mikan for you. For some reason you had forgotten your lunch and I remembered you liked them. Gosh, I hate _mikans_ but I would really hated it if you starved the whole day."

Yoshiko kept on remembering. Hanamaru kept on seeing pictures.

Until they both stopped.

"But as they say, all good things must come to an end." Yoshiko smirked. "It was fast. It barely hurt. Maybe I have one or two bumps over there but that's about it. There's no need to feel pity now."

"I…"

"Please, don't remember."

"I…" Hanamaru dropped the album, her eyes opening wide. "It was… I'm… My… fault."

Cold rain. Small children crying. A bouquet of white lilies on her hand. Oh, wait. Those weren't her hands. They were on her mother's arms. And she was leaving. She said a weird word and Hanamaru couldn't understand it. She was sleepy, so so sleepy. But she couldn't sleep. The beeping noises from the strange machine on her side kept her awake. She heard the sound of breaks. Oh, how she wanted for the beeping noise to stop. If she could only unplug that little machine that was, for some reason attached with a tube to her hand. She couldn't understand. It didn't hurt but, it should, right? A plastic tube was inside her hand. That was concerning, or maybe it was normal and she didn't know? There were many things she didn't know, and Yoshiko showed her all of them. Yoshiko showed her the future. She wanted to be, in the future, always with Yoshiko. Being with her was a new adventure every day. She even became one of her little demons! What did a little demon do? She had no idea. But she was one and that made her happy! Oh, how sleepy she was. Her eyes wanted to close, but something told her to stay awake. Someone was there, and it would be impolite to sleep with them around.

"Hey, Zuramaru! Don't go falling asleep on me now!"

Hanamaru opened her eyes. Yoshiko was there, trying to calm her down. Hanamaru couldn't stop crying while she remembered.

She was crossing the road. She didn't even notice that the light was red for her. She was so happy. She had won tickets at the arcade all by her own! Ah yes, she thought, Yohane-chan will be proud of me! Now I can exchange them for something nice and give it to her as a gift! She did indeed called her Yohane back then. She was so absorbed into that peaceful moment that, when the crash happened, she had no idea how she ended up on the other side of the road. Did she fly? No, that wasn't possible. Maybe the wind? Oh how furious it must have been with her then! But no, those weren't the right answers. The black feather fell right to her small shoes, and she ícked it up, feeling that something had gone terribly wrong.

"Come on, Zuramaru! Don't fall asleep! You're my little demon, a fighter 'till the end!"

Hanamaru remembered the scene vividly. The smoke. The small body lying under the wheels. The crowd of people forming a circle around the scene. She recognized the bun. She recognized a face that was no longer a face. She recognized the smile which was no longer a smile. She heard a voice she would no longer hear.

She screamed.

The world went white.

"Yohane… chan?"

"Yes, Zuramaru! Yes!"

Yohane stood up from the hospital chair, running to the bed where Hanamaru was. The height difference was enormous, so the small girl went for a small stool so she could reach. Hanamaru felt safe and secure. She had no idea why. She couldn't remember. Why was she at a hospital? Why were her parents sad and with a bouquet of white lilies? Nothing made sense but, Yoshiko was with her right now and that was all that mattered.

"Stop, remembering, Hanamaru, please!" Yoshiko couldn't stop her. When she tried, her hands went through her body, in a failed attempt. "Don't do this to yourself. It isn't your fault!"

"It was! If I hadn't gone to get some tickets… You wouldn't had… done that!"

"If I hadn't you would be dead!" her harsh words stopped Hanamaru from crying. "I… I wouldn't had forgiven myself if I let that happen. I… I have… I have always…" she shook her head. This wasn't the time to go saying something like that. "I don't know how I can back. I don't even know how. I have no idea why even I age progressed at the same rate as you. If I died as a child I should still be a child, right? Man, dead people's metabolism is weird. Anywho, I have always been here, with you, since you woke up in the hospital after passing out on the streets. And no, I'm not haunting you for missing my funeral."

Hanamaru sighed in relief and hold out a small laugh. Yoshiko felt proud of being able to make her smile even for a split of a second.

"You've always been able to see me. All this time, after my death… you closed yourself. See all these photos? You were doing your best to pretend to be happy. I did my best to support you. After seeing me at the hospital, you couldn't see me anymore. I tried and tried to be seen by you again, and it suddenly worked last year. The year you shunned yourself from everyone."

"The day I fought with Ruby-chan…"

"The day you fought with Ruby. You talked as if I had always been alive. You were… in a delusion. That's why, when Ruby told you I wasn't real… you collapsed and… stopped seeing everyone."

"That's why Ruby-chan was so strange at the ice cream parlour."

"That's also why you can't remember some… stuff…" Yoshiko added. "You shutted out all your happy memories and… when I was able to finally show up, when you could finally see me… I thought I could change things… that's why I was so happy when we went out today but at the same time I was so afraid seeing all this little changes in you…"

_And I admit that I also wanted you all for myself. Us, together. Together in this small house. In our world. Our small world. In this dream. This dream made only for me. This is reality now._

"I'm sorry I lied to you."

Hanamaru crawled, leaning closer to Yoshiko.

"I'm sorry I tricked you."

Hanamaru reached for Yoshiko's cheeks, unable to wipe her tears.

"I'm sorry I died."

Both were closer than ever.

"I'm sorry I love you."

Yoshiko couldn't feel her lips, but she was sure they had the taste of _mikan_.

For once, _mikans_ weren't so bad.

And when Yoshiko opened her eyes, her world was white. Where was she? Did she accomplished her purpose? Was that her purpose? No, that couldn't be. She walked and walked in the emptiness, unable to find an exit.

"Yoshiko-chan! Yoshiko-chan!"

She tried to reach for that familiar voice.

"She's responding! Yoshiko-chan, can you hear me?"

_Yes, I hear you! Where are you? Tell me where are you!_

Her eyes finally were open and the sudden light left her blind for a second. She blinked, and could hear lots of steps. People in white were rushing inside the room, and a familiar beeping could be heard. She saw a tube attached to her hand and wondered why it didn't hurt. It was under her skin and it still didn't. Weird medical gadgets, she thought.

"Yoshiko-chan."

She recognized that voice. That sweet, sweet voice. Those honey coloured eyes. Those cherry lips she knew that tasted like _mikans_. Hanamaru was standing beside her hospital bed, in her school uniform. A peaceful aura surrounded her, making it a surreal moment between both of them. Yoshiko feared for the worst. She had a hunch.

She knew it was the beginning of the end of her world.

"I'm glad you're okay. I was able to save you, zura!"

Yoshiko could see the window outside her room. All the Aqours members were sitting outside. Ruby was crying the most, Dia doing her best to comfort her. It was heartbreaking and Yoshiko was now sure it was the end of everything.

"You know, I was really scared for a second, zura." she admitted wholeheartedly, her smile not wavering for anything in the world. "Did you had a nice dream?"

_So that explains many things now. Especially when I was in the place and then, bam, right in another one. Gosh, this is insane._

"I hope it was!" she kept on smiling. "I'm glad I was… able to see you one last time. I'm glad I could save you, Yoshiko-chan."

"Hanama...ru…" she could barely talk. Her whole body ached, her head pounded and she was thirsty. Her throat was raspy as hell and could barely understand a word that come out of her mouth. She wondered if Hanamaru understood she said her name.

Now it was her time to cry, just as Hanamaru did in her dream.

"Shh. It's okay, Yoshiko-chan." she knew Hanamaru couldn't hug her, and it hurt so, so much. "I'm really happy we got to meet one last time!"

"You… already… said that… Zuramaru."

"Zura! Did, I?" she giggled. "I need to go now. Please, don't be sad. I promise I'll be watching over you. I'll be your guardian angel!"

"I thought… you were my… little demon." Yoshiko couldn't believe she was laughing through her tears. "What kind of… fallen angel am I… if I have… a guardian angel…"

"The luckiest fallen angel of them all."

Once again, Yoshiko had the feeling Hanamaru tasted like _mikans_.

This time, she knew she did.

A white feather fell, standing side by side with her black feather.

She will never forget that _mikans_ tasted bitter but, at the same time, painfully sweet too.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for the level of OOCness in this. First time I write for the Love Live Fandom and I'm pretty sure Yoshiko and Hanamaru are quite… off. Also, English is not my first language, so I apologize beforehand for any grammatical errors you might encounter that might've escaped me. I'll check them over the weekend.
> 
> Thank you for reading.


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